Monument
by wispykitty
Summary: Fixing Vincent has become a lesson in futility.


**Title **Monument  
**Characters** Sadie/Plath, Wilkes, Vincent  
**Summary** Fixing Vincent has become a lesson in futility.  
**Author Notes** Spoiler for BZRK Reloaded (or at least the first chapter). This also references a bit of my personal head!canon regarding Wilkes' recruitment into BZRK. Also - I had a really hard time deciding on a title for this story; so the title is a reference to the song "Monument" (originally by Depeche Mode, but the cover version by Gus Gus fits this story better in case you feel like looking it up). The lyrics to the song fit Sadie's attempts at fixing Vincent so perfectly, at least in my mind.

* * *

Sadie closed the door behind her, exhausted from the past eight hours and feeling useless. Eight hours for what? Nothing was making a difference. Nothing was working. He wasn't getting better. She quietly walked down the hall, contemplating stopping in the kitchen before heading to her room. It wasn't that she was hungry (because she wasn't) but she hadn't really eaten at all today. She'd had a small lunch, but that had been exactly eight hours and ten minutes ago. She should probably have something.

She turned a corner and headed towards the kitchen but stopped when she got closer. Someone was already there, talking. Two people, actually. Whispering. More than likely it was Nijinski and Caligula.

So she turned back and headed for her bedroom, in no mood to talk to anyone. Partly because she didn't want conversation of any kind right now, but mostly because she didn't want to answer questions. That's all anyone ever seemed to say to her these days: "How's it going?" "How is he?" "Are you making any progress?" "Are you seeing any results at all?"

She didn't want to give the same answers - "Not well." "The same." "No." "No."

She wasn't the type of person who generally allowed self-pity to rear its head, but two weeks of nothing was starting to take its toll on her, and she was starting to doubt herself. Maybe she wasn't doing it properly? Maybe she wasn't wiring him correctly? Maybe she just wasn't good enough? Poor Plath, spending her days locked in a mind of madness. Poor Plath, her work just not good enough. Poor Plath, stuck in this gloomy apartment in a shitty part of New York while everyone else was out fighting.

Poor Sadie, her family wiped out, her friends all forgotten.

She reached the end of the hall and gripped her doorknob in her hand, turning it slowly.

She was being stupid, she knew that. Whining and complaining and doubting wasn't going to do her any good. It wouldn't help her, and it certainly wouldn't help Vincent. She pushed her door open and reached out to flick on her light, surprised when she saw Wilkes sitting on her bed. Immediately though her eyes narrowed and she directed all of her aggravation and distress at the other girl.

"What the fuck do you want?" She spat out, not in the mood for a confrontation, but unable to react in a kindlier manner. Wilkes wasn't supposed to be back yet anyway, as far as she knew. She and Noah had been sent out to track down some of AFGC's operatives. They couldn't be finished already.

Wilkes stood up and smiled, trying her best to keep that usual cocky attitude going. "Just checking in, that's all."

"Yeah well there's no change, so feel free to get out of my room," Sadie ground out through clenched teeth. Was that all Wilkes wanted? To point out her inadequacies? To rub it in?

"Nothing at all?" Wilkes asked, losing that touch of arrogance momentarily.

It surprised Sadie to see the façade vanish, and she found herself unable to speak for a moment. Instead she just shook her head and looked down at the floor.

"Oh, well, sorry to ask." Wilkes moved from the bed to the door, stopping for a few seconds beside the other girl as though she wanted to say something. Instead she just turned and left through the door, and Sadie was surprised to find herself feeling even worse after the exchange. She wondered briefly if Noah was back, but in the end decided that seeing him would only make her feel worse.

She pulled her shirt off over her head, letting it drop to the floor, too bothered at the moment to put it in her laundry hamper. Her pants followed suit and soon enough she lay face down on her bed, wearing nothing but her underwear and socks. She pulled her pillow closer, shoving her face into it, closing her eyes to block out a few stray tears that were working their way out. She'd been perfectly ready to sleep until Wilkes had shown up. For some reason seeing the older girl disappointed after hearing that Vincent wasn't any better was really getting to her. What did Wilkes care anyway?

Sadie turned over and stared at the door, wanting to get up to turn off her light, but unable to find the energy to do it. Part of her then started to wonder if she should have said something more to Wilkes before she left. Right when she'd paused, standing beside her, seeming like she wanted to say something before leaving in silence. Should she have reached out to Wilkes?

They didn't really talk, the two of them. Sadie had Noah, and sometimes Nijinsky, while Wilkes... She'd been close to Ophelia, that much Sadie knew, and of course there had been Renfield (when he'd been alive). But now that Ophelia was dead, did Wilkes even have anyone? Was that what she'd been trying to do? Reach out to Sadie, in her own anti-social sort of way? Had she just missed it?

Knowing that she'd be unable to sleep until she did something about it, Sadie got up and reached down to grab her pants, pulling them back on. Instead of her same shirt she rummaged through her dresser for a sweater, sliding it over her head. Once dressed she left her room, heading back down the hall. She passed by Wilkes' room but noticed that the door was open and the light was off. Was the other girl in the kitchen, then?

She crept down the hall, pausing when she was near, listening. Whoever had been in the kitchen earlier was gone now, and the lights were turned out. Sadie continued down the hall, heading for the room she least wanted to see at the moment. But it seemed to be the right choice, given that the door was open.

Sadie quietly stood by the open door, looking in. The room was dark, but she could see enough to know that this was indeed where Wilkes had come. To see Vincent for herself. She felt rather intrusive, standing there watching. Wilkes was sitting on the bed, her hands gripping one of Vincent's, holding it close to her face.

She should go. Wilkes had never struck her as the sort of person who would be open to sharing her grief. She seemed like the sort of person who internalized everything. Sadie didn't want to disrupt her, but she still couldn't bring herself to walk away. So she remained standing by the door for a while, just watching Wilkes watching Vincent. Suddenly Wilkes spoke, but it wasn't to Sadie.

"I'm so sorry," Wilkes whispered, leaning forward closer to Vincent's face. "I wish I could help you. I wish I could trade places with you. You don't deserve this."

Sadie surprised herself then by walking into the room, sitting down on the opposite side of the bed. She wasn't sure what sort of reaction she expected from the other girl, but something about the moment felt right. "I don't think I can fix him, Wilkes," was all she said, staring at Vincent's face.

To her surprise Wilkes responded with a bit of a laugh. "You can't fix someone who was already broken."

Sadie turned her head, looking at the other girl across from her. "Yes," she responded, "That's it exactly. How am I supposed to fix someone who can't be fixed?"

Silence followed the question, but it was about as comfortable as was to be expected at the moment. They both continued to sit there, staring at the one person they'd both looked up to as a leader, the one person they'd both loved, in their own separate ways. Jin tried his best to fill the void now, but it was different. Sadie liked Jin, quite a lot, actually. But Vincent's quiet leadership had felt different, it had been more secure, made her feel safer. Seeing him like this, day after day, left her feeling exposed and vulnerable. It was difficult.

The silence was broken then by Wilkes. "Can I tell you a secret, Sadie?" She asked, her voice still low.

Sadie nodded even though she didn't think Wilkes was looking at her. "Of course."

"It might sound kind of stupid, you know, but I think I kind of loved him. It was different from Renfield, of course. That wasn't love. That was just comfort. But I always felt different about Vincent. Probably because of what he did for me, because he saved me and brought me in. Decided I was worth keeping when no one else in the world cared about me."

"What do you mean?" Sadie asked. She didn't know how anyone else had been recruited to BZRK, and she'd never really wanted to ask.

"Caligula argued with him when he brought me in at first. Said I was a liability. He thought I was too unstable for this. And he was right, you know. I was a mess. But Vincent wanted to keep me around, he wouldn't let Caligula kill me. He said he'd make it work. And he did, he made it work for me. He saved me."

Sadie was surprised by the story, by how much Wilkes was willing to offer. Maybe they weren't so different, she and Wilkes. "I understand how that would make you feel," she said in response.

"Yeah well, keep that between us. I just thought you should know." With that said Wilkes got up and left the room, leaving Sadie there a little longer. Wilkes' confession made her feel both better (because she felt a bit closer to the other girl) and worse (because it put so much more pressure on her).

She leaned forward then, pressing her lips to Vincent's temple, close to his ear. "I will fix you," she said, and she meant it. She'd figure him out. She'd figure out a way to make him better.

Everyone depended on it.


End file.
